2 Steps Forward, 3 Steps Back

The last few days have been pretty rough. I had been warned that there would be bad days, but nothing prepared me for walking in Monday morning to see Justin surrounded by nurses, nurse practitioners and respiratory therapists who were bagging him. When we visited on Sunday he was doing pretty well, but things took a turn for the worse that evening and he started to desat repeatedly. (An oxygen saturation monitor helps monitor the concentration of oxygen in Justin’s blood. At Justin’s age they like his saturation level to remain in between 85 – 92, so anything below that is considered a desat). As a result, at Monday’s rounds they decided to switch the type of ventilator he was on. I didn’t expect him to respond so drastically to the change in vents. I had an emotional breakdown and had to leave when I saw his heart rate drop to 43 and his saturation level as low as 29. After about 10 or 15 minutes one of his nurses let me know that his levels had returned to normal and he was okay. Unfortunately I know that more bad days will happen. As the nurses say in the NICU, 2 steps forward and 3 steps back.