Saturday, December 18, 2010

Denial

Okay, so I'm still coming to grips with the fact that Nathan is bigger than Justin  The rational part of me says "just get over it already; he's doing great (all things considered)".  But the emotional part of me is bummed that my 10 month old is bigger than my 2 1/2 year old.  I mean, that's just not normal.  But that's the issue; nothing about this is normal at this point and you'd think I'd realize that by now.  But no, instead I'm in denial. 

I'm in denial that Nathan no longer fits in his infant carrier.  I bought him a convertible car seat last week BUT I haven't brought myself to put it in the car yet.  Never mind the fact that it's really too tight for him and as a result it takes way too much time to snap him into the car seat. 

I'm in denial that Nathan is wearing size 5 diapers.  I bought them BUT they've been sitting in the box.  And even when Carlene opened them up and started using them I went out of my way to use/find size 4 diapers. 

I'm in denial that Nathan needs to be bumped up completely to 18 months.  I can't handle my boys wearing the same size so I'm bumping Justin up to 24 months. 

I know this probably all sounds crazy and I know many of you will tell me it'll be alright.  And rationally, I know it will.  But there's no telling a mom of a micro preemie that it'll be alright and her actually listening.  I'll come to that realization on my own, hopefully soon. 

SIDE NOTE:  Why am I crying as I re-read this post?  I guess unless you're a mom of a preemie you'll never really fully understand. 

5 comments:

  1. I'm laughing my head off that you're bumping Justin up to 24 months because you don't want him and Nathan in the same sized clothes.

    Now to be serious... I know I'll never completely understand but rest assured Justin is definitely holding his own. Smaller or not, he is definitely more advanced (ummmmm... what is the word.... intellectually?) His thought processes are clearly evident in the way he problem solves to get what he wants. lol

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  2. L, in my defense Justin is already wearing some 24 month clothes so I'm not totally crazy, lol. But I admit my actions are definitely not rational; they're purely emotional.

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  3. G, you don't need to defend yourself to me. I love you. And remember, you may have birthed Justin, but he's mine too just as much as you claim Ariana as yours.

    Anyway, here is what I should have said earlier but couldn't articulate then. You are a mom who is truly concerned about the development of both of her sons. And although you may be manifesting it in a way that seems funny, the bottom line is you want what's best for your children, which includes healthy growth and development.

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  4. I think I should share with you the fact that this could have happened even if Justin weren't a micro preemie. The future hubs is the oldest of 3 boys and they are reverse stair steps with the youngest being the tallest and widest. In fact - he had the biggest birth weight of all three. His genes are just different. So - stop beating yourself up about it. He's just gonna be the bigger of the two.. which might have happened anyway.

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  5. Ok. I was wondering why when we went shopping you were buying justin 24 months and nathan 18months but then you kept saying nathan is bigger than justin, I thought to myself hmmmm....so how does Justin wear bigger than Nathan (unless its for length purposes). But as I have told you before, Im not a mom of a premie so I cant begin to understand what you are going through so I cant really say you shouldnt think this way or that way. I do know that I have seen other 2 year olds (non premie) that are similar weight to justin (but probably a tad taller). Also, if they were like 8 and 9 years old average kids, Nathan could still be bigger than Justin, it happens with siblings all the time. And also, tho they are from the same parents, one kid takes on different family genes than the other kid (for ex...me and joy). Sorry but I was just trying to give different examples, that perhaps its not all due to justins micro premie status, cause it could happen regardless.

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