Several weeks ago a friend posted to her blog that she was having nap issues with her daughter and asked for suggestions on getting her daughter into a nap routine/schedule. In my comment I mentioned that I let Nathan cry it out; by no means was I telling her to try it if she wasn't comfortable with it, just what worked for me. I know a lot of people don't believe in that method so I gave her other suggestions. A few days later someone replied to my comment and said that the cry it out method is wrong on so many levels and insinuated that I'm cruel because I let my baby cry when they need me.
Initially I was very offended by this stranger's comment but after I settled down it got me to thinking. People often jump to conclusions without knowing the full story. Have you ever seen a baby with no socks or shoes, hat, or gloves on in the dead of winter and wonder why? Maybe the parent did in fact put those items on and the child took them off. I know my kids don't like wearing socks/shoes/gloves and although I put them on it doesn't always mean that they'll stay on. Have you ever seen a child throwing a tantrum and the parent does absolutely nothing? Maybe that child has a disorder or developmental issues. You just never know; everyone has their own history.
I know I get judged on a lot of things. When Justin was born we were very diligent with limiting his exposure to germs; people often questioned us and thought we were being overly protective. As he got older people asked "Why aren't you giving him water, why is he still drinking from a bottle, why isn't he eating table food"? We've always been judged on Justin's size. I used to always add that he's a preemie to minimize the questioning stares when asked how old is he, but after a point you start to get tired of explaining yourself.
Now that I'm a mother I try not to judge but I admit that I'm still guilty of it. It's only human, and given that we all grew up with different backgrounds it makes sense that people will have different parenting styles. You may not always agree, but in the end, unless a child is being physically harmed, you have to believe that parents are doing what they feel is in the best interest of their child.
So what do you get judged on?
SIDE NOTE: After speaking with a friend I learned that the traditional cry it out method is actually pretty strict, so what I did was a tamer version of it. Now I don't feel I owe anyone an explanation for how I raise my children, but in case anyone's curious, here's what I did with Nathan. I'd lay him down in his crib, awake, and when he started crying I’d wait about 5-10 minutes before going in to check on him. And when I did I wouldn’t pick him up, I just rubbed his back or patted his butt to get him to calm down. Then I'd leave and if he started crying again I waited a little longer, maybe 15 minutes before going in to check on him again. I didn't let him cry for hours on end as some might think. And before I lay him down I made sure that he was fed and had a clean diaper, so I knew that when he cried there was nothing wrong other than just wanting to be held or rocked to sleep.
What a long post. JK. lol :-) I couldn't resist a little teasing.... Actually this is an insightful analysis of human nature. I must admit that I do make judgements when I see things but I'm working on keeping my opinions to myself. As for what I've been judged on, I've been judged for not loving being pregnant. Avoiding being judged is another reason I'm trying to keep my opinions to myself.
ReplyDeleteI agree on so many levels Georgina. I try very hard not to judge others with their parenting, especially now having my own baby. Although I think there is lots of back and forth judging amongst parents. I always feel judged on "babying" Alexa. People think it is weird that I let her nurse to nap on weekends (at 7 months old) and I let her sleep with us once she wakes up in the night.
ReplyDeleteOk I will try to keep it short. Before I had lil d my biggest judgement was looking at the kids in stores/restraurants throwing huge tantrums and the parents seeming to have no control over them. Well now I have experienced being the parent in aisle 2 of target with the kid throwing a tantrum in the floor and me just trying to hurry up to the nearest exit or being hte parent with the loudest kid in the restaurant. LOL. Another judgement I made before having kids is with a family member who has 4 kids and always trying to find a babysitter to get a break from them. I judged her for making it look like her kids are a burden to her...why did she need so much free time from them. but O M G.....i so understand now and I only have ONE child. All parents need a breather...that break. So now I try NOT to judge parents, I do sometimes still look at kids and think "oh no..not my child" but I TRY my best not to. but we are only human. LOL.
ReplyDeleteoh yea...and in regards to crying it out. There is really no in between on that topic, people are usually really for it or really against it. I personally never had the guts to do it at the young ages, however now that my son is 2 and still walks into our room in the middle of the night just cause he wants to sleep with us, I sometimes now wish I did do a more stricter bed routine at the younger age.
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