Do You Judge?

Several weeks ago a friend posted to her blog that she was having nap issues with her daughter and asked for suggestions on getting her daughter into a nap routine/schedule.  In my comment I mentioned that I let Nathan cry it out; by no means was I telling her to try it if she wasn't comfortable with it, just what worked for me.  I know a lot of people don't believe in that method so I gave her other suggestions.  A few days later someone replied to my comment and said that the cry it out method is wrong on so many levels and insinuated that I'm cruel because I let my baby cry when they need me. 

Initially I was very offended by this stranger's comment but after I settled down it got me to thinking.  People often jump to conclusions without knowing the full story. Have you ever seen a baby with no socks or shoes, hat, or gloves on in the dead of winter and wonder why?  Maybe the parent did in fact put those items on and the child took them off.  I know my kids don't like wearing socks/shoes/gloves and although I put them on it doesn't always mean that they'll stay on.  Have you ever seen a child throwing a tantrum and the parent does absolutely nothing?  Maybe that child has a disorder or developmental issues.  You just never know; everyone has their own history. 

I know I get judged on a lot of things.  When Justin was born we were very diligent with limiting his exposure to germs; people often questioned us and thought we were being overly protective.  As he got older people asked "Why aren't you giving him water, why is he still drinking from a bottle, why isn't he eating table food"?  We've always been judged on Justin's size.  I used to always add that he's a preemie to minimize the questioning stares when asked how old is he, but after a point you start to get tired of explaining yourself. 

Now that I'm a mother I try not to judge but I admit that I'm still guilty of it. It's only human, and given that we all grew up with different backgrounds it makes sense that people will have different parenting styles.  You may not always agree, but in the end, unless a child is being physically harmed, you have to believe that parents are doing what they feel is in the best interest of their child. 

So what do you get judged on?

SIDE NOTE:  After speaking with a friend I learned that the traditional cry it out method is actually pretty strict, so what I did was a tamer version of it.  Now I don't feel I owe anyone an explanation for how I raise my children, but in case anyone's curious, here's what I did with Nathan.  I'd lay him down in his crib, awake, and when he started crying I’d wait about 5-10 minutes before going in to check on him. And when I did I wouldn’t pick him up, I just rubbed his back or patted his butt to get him to calm down. Then I'd leave and if he started crying again I waited a little longer, maybe 15 minutes before going in to check on him again. I didn't let him cry for hours on end as some might think.  And before I lay him down I made sure that he was fed and had a clean diaper, so I knew that when he cried there was nothing wrong other than just wanting to be held or rocked to sleep.

Parenting Tip of the Day

I just came across this bit of advice in a Parents magazine article and how timely this is for me: 

Find a quiet place today and take a deep breath. Remember that perfection is unattainable and chaos is reality. Remind yourself that getting down on the floor and playing with your kids is more important than that sink of breakfast dishes, and to carve out time to nurture your body, soul, and marriage.